By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
sex in a hospital.. check
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
