what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
