whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
