WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
