can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
