I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
