weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
