margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
be right there i have to get my cape
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
