I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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