Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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