The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
