Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I will pee on everything he values.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
