I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
