I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
