its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
