I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm really busy with my period
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