rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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