I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
