he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
