we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
