i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We were destined to go to rehab together
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
