WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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