I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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