you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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