'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
