someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
