i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
