I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
