i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
