used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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