Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
