i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just invented taco cereal.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize