I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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