Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
