Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize