I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
