i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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