just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
