You just made me feel so damn special
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
