I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
