I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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