Cold hands, warm shart.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
