Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There's always time for handjobs
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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