I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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