Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
