exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
