Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't turn off my feet"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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