I want to have your abortion
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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