so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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