Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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