I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think your dad took our porno
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
