Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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