Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
