you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
