party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
