UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
