Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
