I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
