I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
