please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
