As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You pole danced in your parka.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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