I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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