tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
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I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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