yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
