Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
