I can text with my tongue
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
