Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You made out with two different species that night
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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