dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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