DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
