Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
