After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
