I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
